my name is abi. that's pretty much it.
If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family
Stop reblogging my failure
…the future of pizza (X)
Bath time for kitties! When we took them in, we had to get some ticks and fleas off of them. Tonight we gave them a warm Dawn dishsoap bath to get rid of any other nasties. They were very good about it and purred thunderously as I toweled them off. Their reward for their patience was tasty kitten milk and wet food.
Mulan loved my Mulan pen!
She said, “I love things that have my face on it.”
Wow, Mulan, conceited much ;). Seems like you may have been spending some time with Gaston!
SHOOTS LIKE MULAN
WEARS MEN’S SUITS LIKE MULAN!
THINKS FAST AND KICKS ASS ON A ROOF LIKE MULAN
MULAN: “I USE AVALANCHES IN ALL OF MY BATTLE SCHEMIIIING!”
NOT QUITE A GUY, THAT MULAN!
WHEN I WAS A GIRL I DRANK 3 CUPS OF TEA
EVERY MORNING TO HELP ME GROW STRONG
NOW I’VE GROWN UP I DRINK FIVE CUPS OF TEA
AND I DEFEATED THE KING OF THE HUUUUUUUNS
This is the best thing ever.
Watch it in video
My answer: yancybecket
Tony gets Steve an official Captain America vine. Steve uses it to promote local art festivals and to put focus on struggling mom and pop businesses and Sam is in the background like "[puts head in hands] This guy is a literal saint. I have sex on a regular basis with a Literal Saint."
I bet you they start out like. Really professional like Steve’s using his Captain America voice while someone else holds his phone and he gives some dorky line while standing next to the shopfront sign
and then in a few weeks it’s just Steve holding his phone over his head swinging it around going “I’m at [——] right now an—” and then a little kid comes up behind him and goes AAAAAA and Steve starts going AAAAAAAAA and they’re both just screaming into the camera until the six seconds are up because they’re LOSERS and Sam physically can’t.
NOT THAT SAM’S VINE IS ANY BETTER oh my god once he’s officially on the Avengers and the Falcon becomes a house hold name; all the bird jokes. SEVERAL instances of him pulling up a youtube phone cam vid of him doing something cool, and dubbing it over with “Y’ALL GON’ MAKE ME RELEASE THE FALCOONNNNN”
Tony and Sam decide it’d be fun to see what cute shit Cap says if you sneak up on him and go ‘Boo’. It backfires immediately because Steve is so comfortable around them and his reaction is to swear viciously and threaten them with bodily harm. Which is still hilarious! Just not something he’d want up on the internet. Sam promises he’ll delete it but Tony keeps it as blackmail (that he has no intention of ever using; he knows Cap’s audience is all ages and he may act like that doesn’t matter to him, but he has a huge fucking soft spot for Cap and his stinking All American morals and he knows it would actually upset him so no, its just for showing to the Avengers for shits and giggles)
Sam’s vines start out as “haha lookit this nest” and it’s him sitting in a little blanket pillow fort to “YO CHECK IT” and he has an actual place set up on Tony’s tower right there on the edge in the middle of the “A” and at the last second somewhere from the background is Clint shouting, “HEY”
#SAM SHOUTING DO IT FOR THE VINE before steve actually gets what he means
Steve shouting DO IT FOR THE VINE at Bucky before Bucky gets what it means
Bucky doesn’t have a vine but he’s in Sam’s most famous one. Bucky is sitting on the couch then offscreen Sam yells “GET DOWN MR. PRESIDENT!” and Bucky looks around wildly but before he can figure out what’s going on, all the Avengers dogpile on him.
#Bucky is often the unsuspecting Vine victim
Bucky tries to avoid social media in general but he’s like a fucking easter egg on everyone elses’ accounts. The fans love it. He’s often in the background of Steve’s vids or getting trolled in Tony and Sam’s, but he rarely ends up saying anything. SO WHEN HE DOES, that shit is extra popular.
Finally one day Sam catches Bucky singing to himself as he shaves. Bucky catches sight of him right before the Vine ends and spends the next hour chasing him around trying to steal the phone back and destroy it.
It’s a metaphor, see: you hold a pen with your homework in front of you, but you don’t do it, you don’t give it the power to do its killing
Here’s my theory. The Harry Potter trio are actually representations of the other houses. Hermione is Ravenclaw. Ron is Hufflepuff. Harry is Slytheryn. They’re all in Gryffindor because they asked. In fact, everyone in that house could have been in another house if they hadn’t asked to be in Gryffindor. You have be ask to be in Gryffindor because their most defining feature is bravery and anyone can choose to be brave.
I fuck with your theory, marry me.
just cut it off cut off my other arm too i don’t give a fuck
john green have had enough of your shit
I guess now that this has 213,000 notes, it should be mentioned that I never tweeted this (or thought it). Someone somewhere created this using photoshop.
you see, it’s a metaphor
you nominate Leonardo DiCaprio for an Oscar but you don’t let him win
REALLY just wanna take this chance to remind the people who follow me to not kill/trap opossums if they’re in your yard, and do not call animal control! Seriously.
- Opossums are literally 100% BIOLOGICALLY INCAPABLE of carrying rabies. Their body temperature is too cool to incubate it properly.
- Opossums are actually quite gentle and NOCTURNAL, so if they’re roaming, they’ve probably gotten lost, been injured, and are looking for a place to hide.
- Young opossums tend to try to climb into garbage cans when they’re starving. This is because THEY ARE LITERALLY STARVING. Don’t fucking shoot them or hit them with things because you wanna be some fucking macho top-of-the-food-chain cocksucker.
- Mama possums are amazing mothers and if you encounter an “aggressive” opossum, it’s probably because she’s got babies hanging off her nipple and she’s freaking out. They’re clumsy. Sometimes they don’t hear you coming and you catch each other off guard.
- Wanna lure an opossum off of your property? You can set up a box with some greens and cat kibble in it, hide it well, and lure them out that way. They’re actually quite harmless and keep other predators away. they eat lotsa gross stuff.
- Opossum mamas who get hit by cars often still have their helpless babies attached to them. Possums get a bad rep and people say they are “the dumbest animal”, but they are incredible creatures who have been around since the days of fucking dinosaurs so treat them well, okay?
Another friend is pregnant
There is something in the water. I am only drinking tea for a while then
I have some alarming news for you in regard to one of the main ingredients in tea.